Feeling On Track Today!

  I can most definitely say that exercise has helped me cope with my eating disorder. Every individual is different with what type of exercise they enjoy and the amount of which they choose to workout. I can tell you that when my eating disorder was more prominent in my life, I chose to workout twice a day, a minimum of an hour each time, and 6-7 days a week. Working out everyday and twice a day is not healthy. I cut one workout out of each day, took a spin class to start my day, five days a week and I felt great.
  Running was a HUGE stress relief for me. I actually used to hate running but always envied those who could run long distance. I challenged myself and one of my friends and I signed up for a 10k. That was a huge accomplishment for me. I found an running for beginners chart that outlined a distance for each day. Once the weather gets a little bit warmer here, I plan on starting that up again. Right now I take a body pump class three days a week and run intervals on the treadmill two days a week. If you start out your day with exercise, I can guarantee that you will feel better about yourself both physically and mentally.

What Is Normal?

What Is Normal?

This question pops in to my head all the time... "What is normal?" You can ask yourself that question in many different situations, but after you've developed an eating disorder... "what is normal?" typically is more along the lines of:

1. What does a normal meal look like?
2. Do normal people really eat 3 meals a day?
3. What is a normal weight for someone my height?
4. Do people normally eat a dessert or sweet snack everyday?

My struggle right now is how do I stop eating so much dessert and sugar? What is the underlying issue? Typically it's the first thing I go to when I wake up in the morning. But does that mean I am eating it because it's quick/easy?... Am I eating it because I'm lacking protein?... Am I eating it out of habit?

I DON'T KNOW!!

I am trying to convince myself to either right on this blog when I feel like I am struggling OR to take a journal with me and write in it before I eat a meal or a snack; hopefully then I can pin point the underlying issue.

I would LOVE to hear everyone else's answer to this. How did you stop eating so much sugar? What is the real issue behind this?

Hello Blog World!

Hello Blog World!

     This is my very first blog AND my very first blog post! So first, let me explain my purpose in creating this blog. I have had anxiety ever since I was little... specifically starting when I was seven years old and my Dad was ill. My anxiety progressively became worse after my Dad passed away when I was eight years old. My anxiety was riddled with anger, mood swings, and OCD. Throughout high school I never experienced any eating or body image issues. In fact, when I was in high school I said "there is no way I could ever develop an eating disorder, I love food way too much and I absolutely hate vomiting." Little did I know after two years of living at home and going to a community college, I would develop an eating disorder.
     I had this HUGE fear of moving away for college and gaining the dreaded "freshman 15." When I moved away, I lived with two random roommates in a one room dorm. The first couple weeks of living with the girls, I noticed they both had eating issues... calorie counting, obsessively dwelling on what they ate, and weight-loss pills. I started to go to the gym with one of the girls a few days a week, which I had never done before and my meals looked something like this:
BREAKFAST: cup of oatmeal & a banana
LUNCH: cup of chicken noodle soup & a salad
DINNER: salad or a veggie burger

    My first year away, I lost seven pounds. My second year is when I developed exercise bulimia then anorexia. I completed ruled out sweets, sugar, and fat from my diet. When I developed exercise bulimia, I was taking in a maximum of 600 calories a day and hitting the gym twice a day for at least an hour each time. I would go to an early morning spin class and come back to the gym at night for more cardio on the treadmill or elliptical. I really learned how to manipulate my diet and knew exactly how much weight I would gain or lose if I ate a certain food or didn't eat at all. I saw the weight dropping off quick and I lost another five pounds. I started to just eat raw fruits and vegetables for each meal. At this point, I was below 100 pounds and obsessed with losing more.
    I didn't realize just how thin I was until people I knew told me I looked sick and people I didn't know whispered about me and would ask if I shopped in the little kids department at stores. From depriving myself of food and nutrition... my body fought back and compensated for not eating for so long and began to binge. Binge eating was my lowest low and I thought I would never come back from it. I started putting on weight fast but I told myself it was okay because I was underweight anyway. However, stopping the binges was something I could not control and I put on fifteen to twenty pounds from my previous weight-loss.
     I have not binged for a year now and I am on the long road to recovery. This blog will document my journey; through the dark times and the steps that I am taking forward. I hope this blog will help keep me grounded and determined but, the ultimate goal is to be the support someone else may need to get through the same struggle.


-ED Is Not My Boyfriend